They were purchased to run a 10k with Baldman last fall.  Guess what?  We didn’t run it.  There are so many things that we say we’re gonna do that we don’t.  It’s not fun.

These shoes have run, though, miles on a treadmill.  Miles that I never thought I would be able to run.  Miles that have pushed me, strengthened me, challenged me, and drained me.  Miles that have restored bits of my sanity, renewed mountains of hope, and reclaimed years of my life.  Miles that, unbelievably to me, I wouldn’t trade for anything.

But these shoes are asking for more.  They’re asking to be pushed to their potential; worked to their limit.  They are asking to be underestimated.  They are craving to be gotten dirty, grimy, and worn through striving for the finish line.  And they will be.

Not a 10k for these shoes, but a few weeks from now, they will be sprinting with me across the finish line in my first triathlon.  My first triathlon.  Meaning 1) I’m competing in a triathlon and 2) I think there will be more than one for me!  Craziness.  And joy.

So, as of tomorrow, I’m counting calories yet again.  Calorie King is what I’m back to.  It’s really the only thing that’s worked for me.  Eat less, eat healthier, exercise.  Count calories in, count calories out.  Go, go, go.

I’m also following Paul and Ellen as they get healthy this year.  They’ve had successes already.  Woohoo!  Always exciting to hear.

I’ve done the calorie counting before.  And it works….for a while.  But I know that I won’t spend the rest of my life counting calories, I just know it.  Because I don’t want to.

I do, however, want to change my body and my health.  So, I’ve started eating less.  I don’t really need to measure food to know whether or not I’m eating less.  I spent enough time measuring and weighing and recording to know when I’m doing well and when I’m not.  So, yes, I’m eating less.

I’m choosing healthier foods when I do eat.  More vegetables, more fruit, more whole grains, less crap.

An intentional physical activity everyday.  Sometimes squats, sometimes shoveling snow, sometimes walking the dog, you get the picture….

So, there, that’s where I’m starting.

The kids and I made up a menu for the next few weeks including breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I made a grocery list for the week including just the items we need to provide for the menu.  And THEN……I asked Cory to do the actual shopping.   It’s a win for me, because I don’t end up picking up all the yummy looking snacks that call to me as I’m waltzing the aisles.  It’s a win for Cory, because we stay on the budget.   And it’s nice to be able to ask the kids, “What’s for dinner tonight?” instead of them always asking me.

I’ve also starting chewing a lot more gum and drinking more water.  When I want to snack, I grab a piece of gum instead (usually).  When I want a small snack right before I head up for bed, I drink a glass of water (and then run up to bed before I hear the cries of the neglected fudge).

That’s where I’m starting.  If I start slacking off, though, I may have to return to calorie counting.  That should be motivation enough take this seriously!

Fast forward 5 weeks, and I’m more motivated than ever before, and am about caught up to my earlier workout status, or maybe a little further along.  So excited.  Trying to be careful with the ankle (it still twinges occasionally to remind me of its pathetic self), but I feel stronger than ever.

I’ve made that switch in my head.  Any of you who has ever successfully lost weight, lots of weight, knows what I mean, yeah?  I’m no longer hoping, dreaming, wishing that I could get this off.  I’m just doing it.  It’s not a matter of if, just of when.  It’s many more good choices than bad.  It’s getting up with the alarm at 5:40, and being excited about getting out and getting this body moving and strong.  (Okay, the alarm goes off at 5:40, it’s probably 6:05 before I’m actually excited about being out. ).

Before the sprain, I’d lost 7 pounds.  I regained about 5 nursing the ankle.  Have now lost those 5 again, and a few more.  But still a ton (not literally, just a half maybe) left to go.  But it will.  I know it now.

I’m not gonna blog too regularly about it because, quite frankly, it makes for some pretty boring writing on my part and reading on yours (assuming there are a few of you still out there).  But I will post the big milestones.

In the meantime, I hope to do a little more creative writing out here, and am thinking of starting a photoblog soon.  Remind me if you hear nothing of it and are interested.

So, let’s be honest.  As of about 2 weeks ago, I’d lost nothing.  (Well, not entirely true.  I’d lost several pounds, then gained them back, then gained a few more.  For awhile there, I thought I was gonna have to go swipe a few pounds of food from the pantry in order to fulfill my pledge.)

Anyway, two weeks ago, my friend and I started getting up at the (if I used the terms ungodly or unholy, I would use one here) hour of 6 a.m. to walk around the ‘hood.  We started with 2 miles, and are now up to 3 miles in the morning.  (We’re limited by time, so the only way to get more milage in is to step up the pace.   That’s why we’ve added some jogging.  I don’t like jogging.  But my friend is mean and makes me do it anyway.  It’s probably a good thing I have her around. )

So, I’ve been getting up at 5:40 a.m.  And, for those of you who know me, you know that, for most of my adulthood, that’s been closer to my bedtime than to my wake-up time.  It’s quite a change.  But I’m actually enjoying it.  Don’t tell, k?

And a week ago, I started on the whole calorie counting thing again.  And so?  Instead of planning my next few meals from the local food pantry, I was able to tell them to send 6 pounds worth of food to that same pantry.

So, 6 pounds, instead of the 32 I had pledged.  Still, at least I’m headed in the right direction again, and I think I’m headed down for good this time.

You can see over there on the right that I’m doing the pound-for-pound challenge.  Within certain dates, you can pledge to lose a certain number of pounds.  Then you submit your results.  For every pound lost, Biggest Loser contributes a pound of food to a food bank (up to a certain number of pounds).  See how I’m not much of a details person?   You wanna know more, go check it out.

So, anyway, I’ve resolved to lose the weight this year.  My cholesterol is high, my weight is high, my knees and ankles aren’t happy with me, and I have no excuses.  Well, it’s hard, that’s an excuse, but no longer one that I’m going to let stop me.  This year, I have to do it this year.  It’s my own marathon of weight loss.  That’s what I remind myself each day, this is a marathon and not a sprint.  This is a life change, not a fad.  This is a minute by minute choice, not a sudden transformation.

My goal is to lose 8 pounds a month, working out 4-5 times a week, eating healthy food in reasonable portions.  A few weeks I did great on all fronts.  Last week, I only worked out twice and had more than my share of Nutter Butters.  But today is a new day at the start of a new week filled with opportunities to make new and good decisions.  Wish me right decisions.

One or two of you said you were sick of the ice cube post, and that I needed to get something else out here. Here it is. As I’m not really in the mood, though, here’s my life in bullet points:

More stuff going on, but will have to wait til I can give it proper attention.

Don’t worry, I was not irresponsibly modeling to my kids bad food habits. I had my backed turned to them so that they would not see me consuming dessert for breakfast while they sat munching on their PopTarts.

Now I feel ill.

I’ve been a bit stressed and a little depressed recently, but hadn’t really been able to pinpoint why. I’m just starting to figure out the reason. But, in the meantime, I’ve gone back to coping with food. Consuming, hating myself for it, hating to see the loss that I worked so hard for just start to dwindle away, or—more accurately—resume it’s natural place on various parts of my body.

I’d love to say that it stops right now. That I’ll immediately jump back on Calorie King and get myself in order. I’d love to say it, and I’d love for it to be true. I don’t think it is, yet. Not giving up, though. I’ve had a few really good eating/exercising weeks recently. Just gotta get more of them strung together.

I promise, I have more upbeat posts coming soon. One that cracks me up every time I start to read it, though it doesn’t always take that much to crack me up.

I’m back on the calorie counting, again. This time for real, hopefully, but, well, you know. Anyway, I was all motivated to get back on the step last night while preoccupying my mind with some mindless drivel on TV. And, what was on? Nothing but the State of the Union Address, which, I’m sure, some of you would count as mindless drivel. HOWEVER, it is not the type of mindless drivel that allows you to get caught up in a story or something and forget that you really don’t want to be doing what you’re doing and OH MY GOSH how LONG are these 30 minutes going to last? I know, I know, 30 minutes last approximately (or exactly) 30 minutes long no matter what you’re watching. But, trust me, 30 minutes of stair stepping to POTUS reading his speech lasts a lot longer than 30 minutes of, say, The New Adventures of Old Christine or American Idol or, well, almost anything else. And since you already know we don’t have cable, you know that my options were few.

Yeah, I only lasted about 17 minutes. Tonight, however, I did make it the 30 minutes while watching American Idol. I’ve only ever watched a few episodes of it, but they caught me early in the evening this time, and so I was interested enough to keep with it while working out. Not sure why I’m telling you all of this…I’m starting to bore myself…..moving on….

So, anyway, I think I’m gonna make it this time. I know that I have to get this weight off. I know that I have to exercise and watch my calories to do it. I know that I want to be able to buy a dress of the rack (from a regular store) for a wedding coming up this May, and I know that I’ll have only myself to be ticked at if I can’t. And I know that the change in behaviour has to start now, and not tomorrow.

Here’s to today…

Last May was the last time I lost any appreciable amount of weight, and I’ve gained 15 of it back. Half of all that work for nothing! Nothing really lost since last May.

Guess what else I started doing last May? Give up? Blogging!!!! Yep, this little blog here started having posts published last May. The last month I really started losing any weight. Coincidence? I think not. All the time I used to hang out in front of the TV doing aerobics, lifting weights and doing crunches, I now sit getting a face tan from the gleam of the laptop monitor.

Blogger’s butt. That’s what I’m calling what I have now. I’ve got to find a way to balance this whole blogging thing with getting back to that healthy lifestyle. Otherwise, I’ll get to this May and will have gained back every one of those hard won poundage losses. And I’ll be ticked. And fat. And sad. And I don’t want to be.