I probably should have hung around more drinkers in college. Maybe then I would’ve desensitized myself a bit to the whole, “There’s someone else’s vomit on me” thing.
It’s that season again, and a good stomach virus has invaded the boys. (And no, I don’t blame you. Seriously. Unless it’ll make you feel really guilty and you’ll buy me something pretty that’s not pink or frilly. Then, hey, IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! 
)
But I just don’t handle puke well. Any other bodily fluid spewing from any other orifice, and I’m pretty good with it. Comes in handy being a mother and all. But I’ve never been good with puke. If I see it, hear it, or smell it, then I’ll probably be doing it.
So, you can imagine what a lovely evening this turned out to be when my youngest came up to me earlier, and started to give me a hug. Next thing you know there’s a wetness on my feet and a splatter on the floor. And now I have to stop describing it before I make us all sick.
Anyway, Bald Man is standing there, too, and he’s just like, “GOGOGOGOGO….I’VE GOT IT…..JUST GET OUTTA HERE!!!” See, he was around during my morning sickness days and has probably decided that he’s all done cleaning up after my puking, and he knew (probably from the way I started gagging) that I was really close to joining the party. And so I need to just get away. I can’t, however, run up to the bathroom to clean up because that would require running through the whole house trailing the puke along to get up there.
Sooooo, I go out the back door to the yard where I grab the hose and start spraying off with some very chilly water, only to notice a visitor to the new neighbor’s house sitting on their back porch watching me, probably wondering what the heck kinda crazy new neighbors they have.
Okay, so I’ve now been successfully hosed off, but can’t come back into the kitchen because I’m not sure of the current puke situation, so around the house I go. I get to the front door. Shocker of all shockers, it’s locked. But I can see Jake (age-almost 4) sitting in the rocking chair (his “get away from the puke” quarantine spot) through the sheers on the door. So I start knocking, and I hear him yell, “Daddy, someone’s at the door!” So, I start yelling, “Jakey, it’s Mommy! Come open the door!” I see him starting to come, but Bald Man, not realizing that I had come around the house, is telling Jake to, “Sit back down! Don’t go to the door!” And then me, “No! It’s me! It’s okay!!”
Anyway, don’t you wish WE were your classy new neighbors?
In the end, I was able to run up and get finished getting cleaned up. Then I left for some retail therapy. Although, in actuality, it was just grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s.
And that was MY exciting Saturday night out on the town, and in the yard, and on the front porch. And I hope everyone is done puking on me.
How’s your weekend going? 
You are soooo lucky to have such an understanding husband. And the image of you sopping wet outside the front door of your pukey house is hilarious!!
Hsien: I am. That’s what I always remind myself on the days he’s irritating me.
Next time, I’ll take pictures of my crazy self running around the house to further enhance the hilarity for you. 
I’m not sure I like this compliment… :p
It was “spoken” in the utmost spirit of love.
Ok, for some reason this is the last post I was notified of. If I didn’t know better I’d think that you didn’t like me anymore. You didn’t respond to the party invitation either. What’s the deal? I had a fleeting thought that you had just disappeared, but it turns out you were just ignoring me. Was it that, “Don’t shake the bottle!” comment? Really, it was just natural dad instinct. Nothing personal. And you were right. Please don’t say you hate me! If you do, I’ll puke, and you’ll see it…
Rantz: You mean you don’t come out here every day to see if I’ve been around to impart some bit of wisdom that your feed-reader hasn’t picked up on? Sad, sad you.
btw-I’m not on your mailing list, so I didn’t get the invite. Cory mentioned it, but then I think we were busy and I forgot about it. If I was special enough to actually get the invites, maybe I would respond. 
And no, I wasn’t offended by the bottle comment. I just giggled and chalked it up to silly new dad syndrome. 
There are times when I do come here and check, but lately things have been a bit busy here so I rely on technology, and see where that gets me.
I’m not the one who creates that list, I’ll speak to Mrs. Grotto and get you added. My household, as in most households, the guy is really just a figurehead.