Kate has a group writing project going on at Babylune, and I have exactly 29 minutes to get a submission in to her (assuming that she wasn’t talking any European times)! The theme is Mistakes and Lessons learned. I haven’t had a big “yes, that’s it!” moment on this one yet, and I’m now down to 26 minutes, so I’m going with:
Advice To A New Mom
These are things that I would have done differently when having my first child. Here goes:
Don’t take a prenatal vitamin on an empty stomach. Not only will it not substitute for a healthy breakfast, it won’t even stay in your system long enough to do any good, I wouldn’t think. And you’ll spend your morning in the bathroom doing things that you would prefer not to do ever, and enough time will be spent in there that you could have just had a healthy breakfast and the vitamin, and all would have stayed with you. Unless you have morning sickness. Then you’re just outta luck no matter what.
Walk around in a porcupine costume for your entire pregnancy. Someone will always want to touch your belly, no matter how far along you are. Sometimes it will be people you know and love and maybe it won’t bother you. Sometimes it might be someone you work with who had only spoken to you twice in the entire two years you’d previously worked together and it will bother you. And they’ll come at you with no warning and not enough time to stop them and shield your own body and then you’ll just want to hurt them. Hypothetically. I think porcupine costumes would be good for that purely hypothetical situation. And, my goodness, how darn cute would pregnant ladies look in those, anyway? Buncha pregnant porcupines walking around. Could there be a more adorable world to live in?
Don’t put your angry naked two year old in a crib while you go to grab a diaper. Apparently, for a two year old, a urinary soaking is the best revenge. Especially if you’ve just bathed them. And if you’ve just put new sheets on the crib mattress. (Oh hush, there are, too, sometimes clean sheets on the crib. Our laundry is not always backed up this much. Okay, I’m lying, it is.) And that goes for either gender, btw.
Alright, the clock is telling me that my assignment is due, and almost late. Hope that helps somebody. If not, I at least got to laugh at the thought of all the pregnant porcupines. Have I mentioned I’m a little slap happy? Need sleep. 
Ooh – I never had the pee in anger thing happen – that would be nasty!
I like the porcupine suit.
Jeanie: Thanks so much for commenting.
I’ve only had it as old as a 2 year old, I think, but I’ve even heard the pee in anger thing with a 3 or 4 year old. Gross. But quite effective, I must say. And the porcupines are still making me smile. 
[...] My Name is Mommy made it in with this list of things you should do differently than she did. [...]
I hear you on the prenatal vitamin thing! I got rid of a few in my day.
My 18 month old is an angry pee child as well. Doesn´t take long to learn that lesson, does it?
Genesis: I’m amazed at the things that kids instinctively know, such as “peeing on my bed will really tick my mom off.” Amazing little creatures.