I’m having a hard time with my 2 year old. Be assured that I love him immensely. But, man, he is testing the limits (of my sanity, not my love).
He is high energy. He is aggressive. He is loud. He delights in being naughty. It seems that he is everything I’m not. (Funny how he’s the one that looks most like me, aye?)
I haven’t figured him out yet, you know? I mean, I fully expect my kids to keep me guessing to a certain extent for as long as I live. That’s part of the fun, right? But I still feel like I don’t know what makes him tick, or rather, obey. And there are times when I just wish he would grow up already! Be more like your sister, do what I ask, stop hitting your brother, sit still, and use an inside voice!!! (Yes, I am usually yelling that last command. And yes, I realize how stupid I sound. Shall we move on?)
Part of the problem, I think, is that we had almost three years with just our oldest before Jake was born. We had time to just sit and snuggle. We had time to pay attention and cater to her likes and dislikes. We had time to really get to know her. We just had time, and that’s what I was used to.
My dad was terminally ill during my entire pregnancy with Jake, and died when Jake was almost 4 months old. I was helping to take care of my Dad when Jake was tiny, and didn’t get the hours of napping and playing together when he was a baby like I did his big sis. I went through a bit of a depression for a few months after my Dad died, and just didn’t feel like doing much of anything. I was pregnant with my third by the time Jake was 10 months old. I just didn’t have time with him.
I feel the same now. With homeschooling the oldest, and still needing to do so much for the youngest (he’s almost 17 months), I feel like Jake gets cheated on his time. And it definitely affects him. And it grieves me. And I just don’t know what to do.
The best I can do for now, I think, is just to let him be 2. I know that I sometimes expect too much of him. I get used to his sister’s abilities and transfer those expectations on him. It’s not fair. What I need to remember is that he’s not even been speaking in full sentences for a year. That brings some perspective. I have to enjoy these last 2 weeks of him being two. One day, I’m going to wish I could remember it all better. And I need to make time just for him. I know it won’t fix all of the issues, but it goes a long way in affecting his behavior. Mine, too.
And, I have to remember that, even when he’s 5, he’s still not going to be like his sister. He’s going to be like Jake. And I need to spend more time figuring out who Jake is. It’ll only make me love him more.
Gosh, Kerri. You almost make me cry. Jake’s lucky to have a mom who stops and thinks deeply about how much she cares for him.
*hugs*
Good thing I don’t cry…
What a powerful post that you have there. It was touching in so many ways. Perhaps if you can sneak away for a Mommy and Jake Day that would make you feel a tad better. To me it sounds like you are one of the most darn loving moms Ive had the pleasure to *Cyber-meet*
Hsien: Almost? Dang, and the whole point was to try to sneak a tear out of you and Bald Man. I’ll have to try harder next time.
Thanks for your encouraging words. *hugs* back at ya.
Bald Man: I’ll never tell.
Aurelia: Thanks so much Aurelia! A mommy and Jake Day would probably go a long way. Good idea, I’ll have to work that in. I’m glad that my love for him came through. I was afraid that I wasn’t communicating that he has a ton of great qualities that I love, we’re just at a hard time right now. Your comment lets me know that I was understood. Thanks!
Do not feel bad, even the best of moms have these times. My second is 19 months old, and I have the same struggles. Feeling that I have not been able to spend as much time with her. And when I do get a chance to sit down my 5 yr. old wants to hone in on the time. Which is so frustrating.
I agree with Aurelia.I have a music class that is just for Anna and me. It is only 30 minutes, and it forces us to spend time together. It is my favorite part of my week, and hers.
Because you home school, I know this is harder (mine is in preschool) but if there is any social group for homeschoolers or something you could put her in one morning a week, it would give you that time with your son, and give her some social outlet.
One other thing I have found is with my younger one she wants to do more than my oldest at the same age. Be willing to give him responsibility, see what he can do. Anna can help pick up toys, and I even let her “help” unload the dishwasher. She loves it, and bonus she is getting time with me. I am praising her, and making her day. She feels like she is a contributing part of the family, and it helps with her frustration.
Hope this helps, and know YOU ARE A GREAT MOM! How do I know? You would not be concerned with the current situation if you weren’t!
~ Angel
Thanks, Angel! There’s lots of good thoughts in there. I’m thinking maybe I can even find a way to drop off both the oldest and youngest one day and just take Jake out on a weekday. I think we’d both get a lot from it. He does like to go out and “help” in the garden when I’m gathering tomatoes. That has been fun for us this summer.
Thanks for you comments and your kindness. They are an encouragement!
You know often I think alot of the psychobabble is just junk, but I do think that alot of birthorder stuff is spot on. The middle child almost always feels cheated because they feel they aren’t getting all the attention of the others (All kids feel cheated, but we have to know why to help them). The idea of a special day for just the two of you is important, not just for Jake, but all of them. Bald Man needs that too. Not really a whole day is needed, but just a special time. I have my special times I still celibrate with each of my parents. Dad and I still have going out for Chinese and Mom and I still go craft shopping. That gave me time to feel special and to have their total attention. Didn’t have to be every week, but once a month or so. It meant and still means so much to me. I’m a softy I know, but that’s part of being the youngest.
Rantz: You’re a youngest? I honestly didn’t know. Very interesting (/strokes beard). I think I’ve done more of the one on one time with Samantha because there are built in activities where we can do that. I’ve not made as much an effort with Jake because it’s just not been as obvious a need to me. Time to fix that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I can totally relate. Sometimes I feel like my daughter, who is four, and I are like polar opposites just butting against each other. It will get better–I promise.
I’m just always impressed with anyone who is homeschooling their children, I know everyone probably has those things that make them say, “I could never be good enough to do that!” and that’s my thing.
Roaringmommy: Thanks so much for commenting, and for the encouragement. I keep thinking that some of the issues with Jake are b/c we’re so different, but my friend seems to be hinting that it may be because we’re both so stubborn. Quite possible.
I’m really enjoying your blog!
Michelle: Hi! Thanks for commenting. Yeah, I never, ever, never, never thought I would be one of those homeschooling moms. Ever. Necessity brought us to it, I found the most laid out system I could, and here we are. Everyone asks how we’re doing it (esp. with the almost 3 and one year olds), and I’m honestly not sure. I’m afraid I’ll jinx it if I think too much about it, so we just keep plugging.
So far, so good. Thanks for visiting!
How could you not know I was a youngest? I thought that was so obvious… Maybe I should read that birth order book my oldest brother gave me for my birthday… Hmmm… Wonder what he was trying to tell me?
Oh, guess what happened by odd coincidence today… Mom and I took a trip to Yellow Springs… Just strange after I had written about it. I invited Dad and Mrs. Grotto and they both said no, so it was just a day with Mom and I. So nice. Maybe I need to make other comments to see if I can make those things happen…
Rantz: Don’t bother reading it. He’s trying to tell you you’re spoiled.
BTW-Make a comment about my kids never arguing again. If it works, I’ll forever be indebted to you!
Oh my two year old is the same. Time together does help, but time what is that! Something that I never have enough of. I am there with ya! It will get better!
Stephanie: Ahh…..time…..I remember that, kinda.
Thanks for commenting. Good to know I’m not alone in all this!
Awwww, parenting is such a learning curve. Anyone who takes the time to reflect and recognize is one leg up on the experience. You’re little ones are very lucky. ;o)
Hugs,
Holly
Holly’s Corner
Here via the Carnvial of Family Fun ;o)
Holly: Thanks! I’ve learned more from my kids than just about anyone else I’ve ever known!! Thanks for commenting.
My sister has an older girl and younger boy. It seems that boys are just more rascal. They get into more trouble and can’t sit still. I think he’s just being a boy. It’s great that you actually stop to think about what he needs.
Thanks Kailani.
It is absolutely true that boys and girls are different. Every family that I know that has both, and my own experience, verifies it! And my youngest is starting to enter his rascally stage, too (with the great example of Jake to follow!). We’re going to be a crazy, crazy household!
You’ve given me an idea of what I probably have to look forward to. My kids are still pretty little, but I know the day is coming!
April: I know it’ll be better soon (just in time for #3 to go through it!). There’s just something about being in the trenches with it that can sometimes be overwhelming. In the same respect, though, it’s amazing to see how the process of learning and growing changes them from babies into little people who learn to crack jokes, share, love and communicate so much! I wouldn’t give up being a witness to it for anything. And know, when you’re going through it, there’s at least one mom here that you can find empathy and encouragement from!
Thanks for commenting.